Bringing up memory changes with a parent, partner, or family member can feel uncomfortable — even emotional. Many people worry about saying the wrong thing or causing defensiveness. But approaching the conversation with empathy and preparation can make a meaningful difference. Early, open communication often leads to earlier evaluation, better planning, and more effective support.
Here are practical strategies for starting this important conversation with care.
Choose the Right Time and Setting
Pick a moment when your loved one is calm, rested, and not distracted. A quiet environment — without background noise, visitors, or time pressure — can help reduce defensiveness.
Avoid bringing up concerns during:
- An argument
- A stressful moment
- A situation where memory lapses have just occurred
A neutral, calm setting allows the conversation to feel supportive rather than confrontational.
Use Compassionate, Non-Blaming Language
How you phrase your concerns can set the tone for the entire conversation.
Helpful ways to start:
- “I’ve noticed a few changes and wanted to check in with you.”
- “I care about you, and I’m concerned about how you’ve been feeling lately.”
- “I want to make sure you’re supported. Can we talk about a few things I’ve observed?”
Phrases to avoid:
- “You keep forgetting things.”
- “Something’s wrong with you.”
- “You need to get tested.”
These statements can make someone feel criticized or ashamed. Using “I” statements helps keep the conversation focused on care and concern.
Focus on Safety, Support, and Quality of Life
Many people fear that talking about memory changes means losing independence. Reassure them that the goal is not to label or judge them, but to understand what’s going on and provide support where needed.
You can emphasize:
- Early evaluation helps maintain independence
- Knowing what’s happening can reduce stress and uncertainty
- There may be treatable causes behind memory issues
- They won’t navigate this alone — you’re there with them
When the conversation centers on safety and long-term well-being, your loved one is more likely to be open and receptive.
Share Observations Gently and Respectfully
Instead of pointing out mistakes in the moment, bring up patterns in a calm and general way.
Examples of gentle phrasing:
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been misplacing things more often than usual.”
- “It seems like you’ve had trouble keeping track of appointments lately.”
- “You’ve mentioned feeling more forgetful recently — is that something you’ve noticed too?”
Stick to concrete, factual observations without exaggeration or blame.
Prepare for a Range of Reactions
People respond differently to conversations about memory loss. Your loved one may feel:
- Embarrassed
- Defensive
- Frustrated
- Worried
- Relieved that someone noticed
If the reaction is emotional, stay calm and patient. Remind them:
- You’re bringing this up out of care
- You want to support them
- There may be many reasons for memory changes
- An evaluation can help provide answers, not assumptions
If the conversation becomes too tense, you can pause and revisit it later.
Offer to Help With Next Steps
Taking action together can make the process feel less overwhelming.
You can offer to:
- Help schedule an appointment
- Attend the evaluation with them
- Take notes or keep track of recommendations
- Share concerns with a doctor only with their permission
Even small gestures show you’re committed to supporting them through the process.
When It’s Time to Consider a Memory Evaluation
A cognitive evaluation can help clarify whether changes are:
- Part of normal aging
- Stress-related
- Linked to medical conditions
- Early signs of Mild Cognitive Impairment or dementia
Noticing shifts early allows for better planning, support, and treatment options.
Taking the step to talk openly is never easy, but starting the conversation now can bring understanding, connection, and the support your loved one needs moving forward.
Take care of your brain, your brain will take care of you.
Momentous Health, a neuropsychology clinic that provides comprehensive cognitive care, from assessment and diagnosis to cognitive rehabilitation and long-term follow-up, all in one place. We understand the impact that cognitive challenges can have on every aspect of life, from work and school to personal relationships and daily routines. Our team of highly trained neuropsychologists work collaboratively with each patient to develop individualized treatment plans that prioritize their specific needs and goals. Visit Momentous Health Website